Thursday, 20 May 2010

Jealousy

I had a couple of deep discussions lately, with old friends and new lovers, on relationships, on love and mostly on jealousy.

The main topic at key always was my lack of jealousy. I can be envious, or disappointed, but I'm just not jealous. Especially not in love. And it just might be a defense mechanism, or I'm just truly broken.

I was born with a lot of emotional defects, see. In a given situation, I'm always part of the 1% of the population who reacts differently from the crowd. It used to annoy me, how everybody was weird and different; in my eyes off course my ways were the best ones. Now I fully realize and embrace that I'm the odd one out. Heck, I'm a odd duck and I'm happily swimming in my pond of singularity.

But it gets complicated when it comes to relationships. Most men are quite happy with just fucking me: after all why buy the cow if you can have the milk for free? Quite a lot of them also enjoy my company: I'm truly a fun person to have around and if only for the hundreds of crazy stories I have to tell, I am extremely entertaining. I'm a smart and well read woman who can hold a discussion on a wide variety of subjects, sex-related or not. But very few of them would make me their girlfriend.

It's an age old dilemma, isn't it? You fuck the whore and marry the saint. It's also a terrible hypocrisy. Why do you ythink so many marriage ends up in divorce? So many celebrity marriage scandals end up on the Internet? I don't envy the well-educated nice girls who get offered an engagement ring right out of college. They do get cheated on.

And while I don't believe in monogamy, I don't believe in lying to your partner either. And in their case, discovering your partner infidelity is a life-breaking event. So yes, honestly, I don't envy them. Then again it's a very complicated game I play. And it dawned on me recently that I will probably never be able to find a perfect partner. Someone who, like me, both harvest the desire to have a big family, and understand my need to be in someone elses' arms once in a while.

That wouldn't make me any less of a good wife & mother. I'd likely do everything in my power not to let that affect our day to day life. And I would be the type of wife to encourage my husband to go and fuck some young and tender woman once in a while too.

Physical desires and matters of the heart are so different, I never understood why people often make them mutually exclusive.

5 comments:

SP4M: said...

Well the reason why monogamy might be considered is that let's say tonight I wish to sleep with my wife, but no, she's having sex with this other guy while I'm stuck at home, bored as fuck, masturbating my desire on a kleenex while I know she's having what I'm not. It's another kind of jealousy, especially if your able to sleep with a different guy every week and you man can't seem to have fun more than once a year. It's uneven at some point and might cause problems.

Actually, I know a couple in an open relationship which suffered of this type of jealousy... but hey, that's just one couple, right ?

Philoslut said...

You'd be jealous cause she'd be getting more action?

This actually happenned to me. I was in an open relationship and my boyfriend was pissed cause I was having sex left and right while he didn't.

But I wouldn't have this type of completely open relationship again.

Jeffrey said...

I've lived what SP4M is talking about, I'm in an open relationship right now. It used to be my GF was having a blast elsewhere and I was home, getting excited from imaginating her with that other person... But now It's reverse.. I'm seeing someone else quite often and she's home alone and missing me !!

I find we learn more about us in those situation and have a different fun but coming back home in the comfort zone is very satisfying too.

redbee2 said...

I wouldn't be jealous but envious. It's a fact that women get more opportunities than men. Other than that, who knows. I would have to live it to find out.

J Mc said...

You sound a lot like the type of woman I'd be interested in.