Voyeur

The guys I sleep with that knows my blog are disappointed when I don't write more about them.

The guys I sleep with who don't know my blog could be surprised to read about themselves.

I do tend to censor myself when I want to write about certain things when I know the main subject of a post would be reading it later.

But no more... you're gonna get it :)

Booze makes me horny

I rarely go "dead drunk". I often tackle the "tipsy" stage however.

I'm super horny when I'm drunk.

It's not a earth shattering declaration, is it? How many one night stands originated from alcohol after all? Some even drink to give then an excuse to have sex with a stranger for one night.

While I do get horny when I drink, I must prefer having sex while I'm sober.

I don't do drugs, so I can't comment on having sex while stoned out of your ass, but for me, sex is much more enjoyable when I can fully remember what I did the night before.

That and I'm sure I'd hate the feeling of waking up next to a stranger. I choose very carefully the men I wake up next to and I wouldn't be happy otherwise. Well, asides from my slip up of a couple of weeks ago, but we'll get on that some other time...

How about you, horny crowd, sex while shitfaced, yay or nay?

If I must be lonely, I guess I'd rather be alone

I know people who are in relationships, disfunctional relationships, because they are simply afraid of being alone.

I've been single, by choice, for 7 months now. Is it the longest I've ever been single? I think so.

I'm up to double this length of time. Course I'll fall in love. But I enjoy my singledom too much right now.

It's not the scare of potential monogamy: while it's not my cup of tea, that's one of the rare things I'd be wllling to sacrifice. It's not the fear of commitment: I've always been very dedicated to my boyfriends and I was their number one fan, often to my own detriment.

But it's just that. Detriment. I become someone I do not like when I'm in a long term relationship. I sit in my complacence and I cease to be this ambitious and independant young woman I truly am.

I am enjoying my singledom. And living on my own. I am not ready to compromise on anything right now: I've been doing this all my life with roommates and boyfriends.

And loneliness is pretty awesome when I spend it with myself.

Hardcore romance

For some reason, a pseudo-cybersex discussion with an old old friend on MSN last night got on the subject of romance novels.

Funnily enough, half the time those 10$ romance novels in depanneurs in the metro are effign hardcore.

I discovered this fact very pleasantly when I bought one cause I had a long bus ride, years ago and just found myself... placing my coat on my laps and be "inspired" by the book.

Heck I still remember "that one" I was reading.

"Poised atop the dark-haired beauty, Dominic Dragon of Pendragon pumped vigorously between his mistress's plump white thighs. Raising himself up on his elbows, he watched her face as she moaned and tossed her head in wild abandon."

How can I not enjoy this novel tremendously?

It's literary porn.

It's on

Yes.

I noticed I barely blogged about it at all.

I'm seeing a guy I like a lot.

But more importantly: I'm a sub again.

I feel more... dedicated to him than the previous guy I played with. Even if I am naturally submissive in bed, not all guys bring it out of me to the same level.

But him... I couldn't melt in a puddle on the floor if he asked me too.

And he's really into spanking. Intensely. I can't feel my butt for a couple of days when he leaves my place.

The way he holds me down and do whatever he wants with me is... enthralling. Captivating. I could look at him looking at me, at my reaction for hours.

I have an infinite trust in him also and let him blindfold and tie me up at his will. My body reacts very well to him. His voice makes me shivers, his touch makes me quivers, my whole body is at attention when we play. I find it very interresting.

I'm seriously having the "sexual" time of my life.

And we don't even fuck.

Why porn gave men unrealistic expectation about their own penises sizes and performance.

I usually try not to tease (at least on this blog!) but I'm really only making this placeholder cause this topic is long overdue and I want to force myself to write it over the long week end.

Alright, the cliffhanger is over.

And I don't mean the LOST Serie Finale that just finished.

Why porn gave men unrealistic expectation about their own penises sizes and performance.



The average length of a fully erected penis is 5.5 inches.

Not very impressive huh?

Male porn stars are hired for their huge schlong and their stamina in bed. I don't go out of an action movie trying to jump from one building to the next in slow motion, why should you watch porn and try anal reverse cowgirl on a footrest for 45 minutes?

I find it funny that guy use porn to compare their penises... why are you focusing on the fact your cock looks nothing like the one on the screen? The girl you're fucking looks nothing like the one on screen either! Why aren't you focusing on THAT? :)

Here's an answer for you: cause just like your dick's size, you can't do anything about it. Learn to enjoy what you have and be happy.

Just like women are obsessed with diet and staying thin, men are forever obsessed with their cocks.

"I'd be so happier with just a couple inches more" a friend of mine complained in bed last week.
"You, you and absolutely every other men in the universe" I replied.

We are never satisfied with what we have. It's human nature.

I've slept with my fair share of men in the past 16 years. Tall, fat, thin, short.

Not two cocks are alike. I can definitely remember the thickest one, the longest one, the shortest one and the thinnest one. Some had very large well defined head, others you couldn't tell where the head ended and the shaft started. Some gave a few drips of cum, others offered a geyser of semen. Some balls hang high and tight, other low and loose...

We female all have our preference over what we like in terms of cock. Same way you guys have your preference when it comes to us: tall, thin, blonde, big boobs, short, chubby, brunettes, tiny tits...

Focus on liking yourself, and look for someone who will do the same for you. And you will have a great time in bed.

So drop that ruler and remember: porn is unrealistic, just like any other Hollywood movie.

Jealousy

I had a couple of deep discussions lately, with old friends and new lovers, on relationships, on love and mostly on jealousy.

The main topic at key always was my lack of jealousy. I can be envious, or disappointed, but I'm just not jealous. Especially not in love. And it just might be a defense mechanism, or I'm just truly broken.

I was born with a lot of emotional defects, see. In a given situation, I'm always part of the 1% of the population who reacts differently from the crowd. It used to annoy me, how everybody was weird and different; in my eyes off course my ways were the best ones. Now I fully realize and embrace that I'm the odd one out. Heck, I'm a odd duck and I'm happily swimming in my pond of singularity.

But it gets complicated when it comes to relationships. Most men are quite happy with just fucking me: after all why buy the cow if you can have the milk for free? Quite a lot of them also enjoy my company: I'm truly a fun person to have around and if only for the hundreds of crazy stories I have to tell, I am extremely entertaining. I'm a smart and well read woman who can hold a discussion on a wide variety of subjects, sex-related or not. But very few of them would make me their girlfriend.

It's an age old dilemma, isn't it? You fuck the whore and marry the saint. It's also a terrible hypocrisy. Why do you ythink so many marriage ends up in divorce? So many celebrity marriage scandals end up on the Internet? I don't envy the well-educated nice girls who get offered an engagement ring right out of college. They do get cheated on.

And while I don't believe in monogamy, I don't believe in lying to your partner either. And in their case, discovering your partner infidelity is a life-breaking event. So yes, honestly, I don't envy them. Then again it's a very complicated game I play. And it dawned on me recently that I will probably never be able to find a perfect partner. Someone who, like me, both harvest the desire to have a big family, and understand my need to be in someone elses' arms once in a while.

That wouldn't make me any less of a good wife & mother. I'd likely do everything in my power not to let that affect our day to day life. And I would be the type of wife to encourage my husband to go and fuck some young and tender woman once in a while too.

Physical desires and matters of the heart are so different, I never understood why people often make them mutually exclusive.

Mono-gamey?

I never truly understood the concept of monogamy.

One of the earliest confusion about monogamy I can remember must have hapenned when I was 10 or 11. I had a crush on a boy and I asked him to be his girlfriend. He looked at me, very puzzled, and told me he already had a girlfriend.

He was puzzled you see cause his girlfriend was a good friend of mine at the time. I look at him, even more puzzled. "Why can't you have two?" I offered. I returned to my Archie comic, unable to understand why that cartoon guy could share his love and affection between a blonde Betty and a brunette Veronica, sometimes even a hot red head, and we couldn't.

Turns out monogamy is linked to jealousy and love somewhat. The first one is a human concept I'm not very knowledgeable in. See, I'm a slut. Men desire me, but they don't love me. I'm very comfortable with unrequited love. As long as I can love, I don't care much about not being loved back. Don't think for a minute that this is sad, I'm just broken that way. When I see my mate fuck another woman in front of me, I don't get jealous. I just stop loving him. Instantely.

Oh the love comes back after a while. But I don't get to the jealous stage. I experienced this strange sensation, the lovestop, a few times in my life. It's always interresting.

Whatever keeps me from running after my mate with his golf club, I guess?

Sex & U-haul trucks part II

You'll forgive my poor, poor memory. I do not remember all the details of this phone sex conversation we had. It was so late, I was so tired. Yet, I wanted to hear more.

More about his fantasies of me at his mercy. More about his desire to come and force himself on me. More about the perfect rape scenario. Coming over to take me out on a regular date (you know, those who don't end up with handcuffs and safewords).

Coming over and having to walk around the corner to his car, cause no one can ever find parking on my street. Number II reason why I don't have a car myself. Turning the corner and being led to a U-Haul truck. It'd be easy to acquire one, there's a rental office a stonethrow away from my appartment. It wouldn't look suspicious parked around the corner.

How would he get me inside, I don't know. I can be easily surprised and he's much taller and stronger than me. In fact, I can't remember the last time a guy made me feel tiny, petite and precious. I'm a big gal for fuck's sake. But I ramble. He'd get me in the truck pretty easily.

He could drive me out of the city. Somewhere where no one would hear me scream. Or in front of a ex's house. He could go and hand him the keys of the truck after he's done with me. Tied, bound, gagged in the back of the truck.

What does it says about me that I'm been thinking about this for 2 days?

Phone Sex and U-Haul trucks

I couldn't pretend to remember absolutely everything of the past phone sex conversations we had in the last weeks. But I sure remember vividly some details of the one of last night.

It's awesome to find a guy who is not only willing to follow you in your kinky fantasies and quirks, but seems to be enjoying himself very much in them, in a totally non threatening way.

Yes. When I'm chained to my bedroom chair, naked at his mercy, I feel dominated, but not threatened. And it was so incredibly important to find someone who is making me feel this way.

It's quite interesting in the sense that I never met someone who could make me feel really submissive. I wanted to. But it never happened.

I'm rambling.

Long story short, we had phone sex last night. We were discussing possible scenarios for a rape scene. Cause I never had a guy I trusted enough to give him permission to rape me.

Isn't life ironic?

I'll have to come back later tonight to explain my title...

Anal envy

I just place an order of sex toys. Don't you like online shopping?

Off course I could go to the sex shop on Ste-Catherine near Guy, but I prefer shopping in the comfort of my living room.

Bought quite a few interresting toys to fill me up nicely. Not saying my buzzing toys don't do the job, but when I'm loving myself, I wanna fill me up with (fake) cock.

And nothing makes me cum more when I'm soloing than some toys in my backdoor entrance while going crazy on my clit.

I haven't had anal sex in a couple of weeks now. I CRAVE it so much. Toys will have to do for now.

That was a weird week.

It truly was. It started off with a nice little BDSM-y sunday night. Then I had another guy ball-deep in my cunt Monday. After that I went for drinks at McLean's with a friend of mine and next thing I know we're at this place fondling each others in bed.

The last one I truly didn't expected. Heck, I was supposed to go home with another guy that night but he stood me up. I get the feeling my ego should be more affected than it is by that, but meh. Waking up in LaSalle was quite the mindfuck.

I ended up cancelling a date I had planned for Friday at St-Bock because I simply don't "feel it". Chemistry. What I had with the 3 guys I shared some naughty fun with earlier this week. If I don't feel that with someone from his voice on the phone, I'm not gonna have much fun on a date. It's always better to go with my gut feeling in those cases.

So this week thought me lots about myself. The first realization was that I could totally be a whore. I really don't have to have romantic feelings to share nighttime activities with a guy. I'm exactly the type of friend to give someone a sympathy blow job or a birthday fuck.

Also, I really love cum. When the guy cums like a firehose all over my face, I swallow a little and still more is coming out, I'm turned ON. And I do not ALWAYS squirt, the guy really have to know what he's going with me. Takes a while to get to know me: some have it faster than others.

Lastly, if you wanna feel loose down there, by all mean let 3 different guys fist you 3 nights in a row.

The state of being under the control of a force or influence or abstract power

I just wish I had more time to elaborate on this subject right now. I will, in due time.

Some games are very enjoyable to play with the right partner. And I definitely had one last night. We keep going in and out of the game, both being a bit rusty (or first timer) at it.

I forgot how enjoyable being controlled was. How extremely secure I feel in bondage, my wrists tied up tightly in a soft scarf.

I also forgot how nice it was to be stimulated by an eager (and competent!) mouth.

My ass is still glowing red as I'm speaking. A little spanking's nice, as an ex-supervisor of mine would say... And well, a lot of it is just so darn enjoyable!

I think he just enjoyed how it was making me gushing wet and at the end of the night, fingering almost became full on fisting. I'm still sore.

Giving my lovers the link to my blog is both a blessing and a curse. They can get turned on remotely by reading about the sex we had (or will be having). But they also get quite a unique window to my sexual soul: all my fantasies are laid out for them to read, to gain further knowledge about. Should I give this much power to people over me?

BDSM?

He asked me to unlock the door, stand with my arms behind my back and wait for him.

I haven't played those games in a while...

The safe word is "banana" ;)